Choices
by my-heart-is-just-as-silent
Summary: Entry for the 'Defining Twilight Essay Contest'. Just a one-shot, fluffy, but with Bella seriously questioning her own worth as compared to the Cullens. Please R&R!


**This is my entry for the 'Defining Twilight Essay Contest'. The contest is a cool kick-off to a new SAT, ACT prep book which takes vocabulary words specifically from the Twilight Saga and helps you learn and understand their meaning. I guess the educational world (which has never been a big fan of vampire fiction) decided "If you can't beat 'em- join em". **

**Anyway, participants had to write an essay of no more than 1000 words successfully including these vocab terms: noble, sauntered, inconsequential, omnipresent, exiled, detested, erratic, and permanence. **

**First prize is $500, and the second and third place winners will grab some other cool stuff, like the prep book and T-shirts.**

**Personally, I want the money.**

**Results are posted September 30th on the 'Defining Twilight' Facebook page, if anyone's interested. **

CHOICES

Bella sank into the downy green grass, glaring up her unwelcome visitor. He blazed bright in the sky, taunting her. The sun's presence prevented Edward from coming to school, and therefore Bella's mood was less than pleasant. She laughed, recalling her arrival in Forks. She detested the rain then; now, she wishes for it.

The irony brought other memories to the surface of her mind. It was on her first day at Forks High that she noticed the Cullens, with their golden eyes and handsome features. She felt a certain level of kinship with her soon-to-be family immediately. They were obviously different from the other students, exiled to a far corner of the wide school cafeteria. But she had wondered if the distancing was their choosing. Without realizing it at the time, questioning their standoffishness would be the first in a long series of musings regarding the Cullens and their decisions.

The Cullens always strayed from the normal path, even in an outwardly unimportant school setting. They constantly dealt with their thirst for human blood by placing themselves in uncomfortable situations, simply for the sake of retaining some semblance of normalcy. Edward's sacrifice was the worst, she knew. Bella's blood called to him in a way that burned his throat like a runaway wildfire. Yet he endured it.

Why wouldn't he just change her already? His pain would vanish, and they could finally be _equal_. Abruptly exasperated, Bella worried her bottom lip with two slender fingers. Edward was always so noble, but foolish, repeatedly pursuing the most difficult course of action. She thought that maybe it was one of the reasons she loved him so much.

The Cullens resisted their very nature, refusing to surrender themselves to the primal lure. They rose above what would make them monsters. They were never satisfied, merely existing. It was a hard line to walk. Bella recollected Edward's soft voice in her ear. "I don't want to be a monster". She suddenly felt inconsequential. Compared to the Cullens, her choices seemed silly and trivial.

"I think I'll finish the laundry later," she said aloud, earning startled glances from across the courtyard. "I'll make Charlie chicken instead of steak." Bella laughed weakly and ran a hand through her tousled brunette mane. Her decisions caused her no suffering. The Cullen's way was a constant struggle.

Deep in thought, Bella never noticed when the sun sank back behind its usual cover of omnipresent clouds. She muttered to herself, upset, until a pair of muscular arms encased her from behind. "Bella, love, what's the matter? You have a frown set between your eyebrows and it makes me nervous."

Elated by Edward's return, yet still saddened from her afternoon recollections, Bella faced her boyfriend and whispered, "You're all so much better than me, more courageous, more dedicated. My choices are insignificant. You fight with yourselves continuously, even now. I just don't matter." She was shocked by the drastic change in expression on Edward's stone face. His normally calm and serene visage was replaced with a torn, agonized version.

"I don't want you to think that ever again. Bella, what you have done far exceeds my accomplishments. You decided to put yourself in danger when you chose to be with me. You're so stubborn I'm afraid your commitment comes with a strong degree of permanence. I could kill you every second we're together, yet you're brave and willing to take the risk." He smiled gently at her and she forgot how to breathe. "_I'm _not powerful enough to let you go."

Filling her lungs up with his sweet scent, Bella blinked away her reservations, revealing a darker desire. "But you _can_ turn me into a vampire. I know you can do it. Then, you wouldn't have to put yourself through the torture of being around a human who smells too good." She grinned, trying to alleviate the swiftness and harshness of his answer. He gazed at her with burning buttery eyes, melting her heart. Bella sighed in expectation of his denial.

Edward flashed a flawless set of pearly teeth. "Maybe I like the challenge," he joked. "Maybe I like the fight."

She touched his cool marble cheek. "Edward, no one likes the fight. It's the prize that they like."

He nuzzled his chin along her creamy throat. "Then you are my prize, Bella."

Her pulse became hurried, erratic. She frantically attempted to slow the racing of blood through her veins but it was useless. Edward's nostrils flared, and Bella gasped with a mixture of fear and excitement. However, Edward contentedly chuckled, kissing the underside of her jaw.

"I love you," he murmured. "I've loved you since I watched you saunter across that blasted biology room, determined to confront me."

"I did not _saunter_."

He boomed with mirth, cradling her happily. "You sauntered, my love. Wear it as a badge of honor that you did not trip."

Bella playfully hit him on his chest, earning a twinge of pain in her knuckles for her effort. Edward took her hand in his own and held it against his unmoving, compassionate heart. The coolness of his skin eased the pain. "Do you feel better now?"

She understood he wasn't asking about her fingers; he wanted to know if he had soothed away her fears and self-doubt. " I just wish I could make as big of a difference as you all do. As a human, I'm so small and pathetic. But if I was a vampire, I'd know what it means to be truly strong."

He smiled forlornly. "We'll talk about it some other time."

Bella shifted in his embrace, choosing to erase the space between them.

* * *

**A/N: I hope you like this one-shot. Reviews are always great- let me know if you liked it and think my chances are good for snagging the cash. Or, tell me if there's no way in hell I'll get first place. PM me if you have any questions about 'Defining Twilight'...I've taken it upon myself to become its unofficial spokesperson. **

**Thanks!**


End file.
